Richard Heywood Funeral 10/28/2023

Grandpa

Obituary written by Karen Miskin and Ricky Heywood

Richard Neal Heywood passed away peacefully at the age of 90 at his home in Tempe, AZ, surrounded by many family members on October 18, 2023, due to causes inherent with age and dementia. 

Richard was born to Leland and Margaret Smurthwaite Heywood on April 10, 1933, in Snowflake, AZ. He was the fourth of five children and was preceded in death by his parents and three of his four siblings, Josephine, Alfred, and Carol. 

He lived in Mesa, AZ nearly all of his youth. He attended Mesa public schools and graduated from Mesa High School in 1951. He was a student at both Arizona State University and Brigham Young University, ultimately graduating from Brigham Young University with a degree in chemistry. Richard attended medical school at the University of Utah and graduated in 1961. After two years of postgraduate training and two years of service in Public Health, he practiced general medicine for six years. In 1973, he began a four-year residency in pathology. He worked as a pathologist for the remainder of his career. He cared deeply for his patients, both those he treated in general practice and those he diagnosed through his work in pathology. He retired in 2011 at the age of 68.

Without a doubt, love of God and love of family were of the utmost importance in Richard's life. The highlight of his life was his marriage to his loving and dedicated wife, Carma Smith. From his youth, Richard had a vague recollection of a cute blonde-haired girl from Snowflake, AZ that he had met while visiting cousins that lived there.  After his mission, he asked a friend about a beautiful girl with a wonderful smile at an institute dance. He found out her name was Carma and later learned that she was the grown-up girl that he had remembered meeting in his youth. He and Carma were married on September 17, 1959, in the Mesa Arizona Temple and together they dedicated their lives to God and family, including raising seven children. Tempe, Arizona has been their home for the past 58 years of their 64 years together.

Richard was a faithful member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints throughout his life and served in many church callings. As a young man, he served as a full-time missionary in the Northwestern States Mission from 1954 to 1956. Throughout his life, he served in many capacities in Tempe 4th Ward (later Alameda Ward), including elders quorum president, counselor to multiple bishops, bishop, and stake patriarch. He served a mission, with Carma, as director of the Mesa Family History Library. Altogether, he served in the Family History Library for 14 years, happily helping patrons learn about their ancestors.

Richard was loved by everyone who knew him. He had a contagious smile that brightened every room. He is remembered for his kindness, generosity, optimism and undying belief in the goodness of everyone around him. In addition to his immediate family, he is beloved by his childhood friends, his in-laws, and his nieces and nephews, who have great admiration and respect for him. He enjoyed gardening, reading, music, and movies.

He is survived by his wife, Carma, his sister, Barbara Price, his sisters-in-law, Phyllis Heywood, Alene Kenney, Lue Janes, and Wanda Brown, and his children Karen (Rod) Miskin, Leland (Carolyn), Lawrence (Sherrie), Shelle (Jimmy Dillenburg), Kim (Robert) Thomas, Ricky (Shana), and Robert, 27 grandchildren, and soon to be 20 great-grandchildren. Nothing made Richard smile like a new addition to his wonderful family! He had great pride in each member of his family and wanted nothing more than success and happiness for each one of them.

There will be a visitation on Saturday, October 28, 2023, from 9:30 until 10:45 AM and a funeral held in his honor at 11:00 AM.  Services will be held at the Tempe Stake Center at 2707 S. College Ave., Tempe, AZ 85282.  Richard will be interred at the Mesa City Cemetery immediately following the funeral service.

Written by Haley Adelson

theesnailybug

Grandpa passed away today a few hours ago. I’m glad that he was able to be at my wedding. In my life, I have only known one grandpa as the one on my dad’s side (Grandpa Elmo), died before I was born. That being said, the one grandpa I have known in my life was as good as any grandpa could be. He was so generous and kind, and I enjoyed asking him about his family history. 

One thing I had in common with him was love of old movies. His favorite, or at least one of them, was this silent film called Orphans of the Storm. I haven’t watched this yet, but I do enjoy silent films. 

He was a great enjoyer of books as well, and his favorite one (outside of the Bible and Book of Mormon) is Les Miserables. This book I am actually reading right now, and despite the French title meaning “the miserable ones,” the book offers great hope in the face of adversity. Jean Valjean being offered redemption gives him opportunities to be a better person. One being that it allows him to save the daughter of a woman he wronged and turns his life around. The book itself is very philosophical and allows there to be joy in moments of grief. 

I am still very sad about his passing, but I wouldn’t have this grief if I didn’t have the joyful memories. One thing I appreciated about him was how open he was to trying new recipes I was making during college. His openness helped me improve because he was so encouraging of learning a skill. Prior to living with my grandparents in college, what I actually knew how to make was limited to mostly pasta. So for that I’ll always be grateful. 

To anyone reading this, this isn’t a “goodbye,” it’s more “until we meet again.” I will see my Grandpa Heywood, but also other relatives that have passed. As Jesus rose from the dead, so can we. The separation will still hurt, but that knowledge makes me excited for when I’ll get to see Grandpa again.

Strange Week

Warning: some of these pics make Grandpa look dead, he's not. 

This has been a very strange week. We got the hospital bed set up for Grandpa last week. We didn't get it one day too early. He went from spending most of his days in the family room to almost constantly sleeping in his room. Grammy has thought several times that he was on the verge of dying, but then he kind of rallied and wanted to get out of bed several times.

Quinny is very good to get him to respond.

Uncle Bob came for a visit on Saturday night. He can usually get a big smile out of Grandpa. This was the last time we got him in his wheelchair. At best, he is unsteady on his feet with assistance, and at worst, he can't stand at all, even with support. 

Yesterday morning Grammy said to us that she thought he was going to die within the day. No sooner had we gotten him cleaned up, medicated, and comfortable in the bed, I walked into his room to find him wrestling with the railing on his bed. He has an extremely tight grip. 

He worked for quite awhile trying to do who knows what with the railing. He finally calmed down after about 45 minutes and spent the rest of the day sleeping while a steady stream of visitors came to see him.

Grammy said today that she figured Grandpa wasn't ready to die today. I made the mistake of saying I don't think we have a lot of control over those things. She's convinced that Aunt Marguerite willed herself to say alive to attend Suzanne's wedding. We got into a little bit of a heated discussion about whether or not we have any control over such things. I kept trying to tell her that we were agreeing. Her argument was that if you pray, God will determine, in his wisdom and ability to see what's best for us, whether or not to grant our wish to stay alive. But if he determines that it's time for us to go, then it's our time to go. I said, exactly, we don't have a lot of control over it. She was much more upset about the conversation than I was. 

Anyway, now we are caring for Grandpa in different ways than before. We don't have to worry about him wandering in the night, which is a huge relief. I found it stressful sleeping with one eye open in anticipation of catching wandering Grandpa before he hurt himself or damaged something. Grammy didn't always wake up in time to stop his shenanigans. He flooded their bathroom one night when he grabbed the removable shower head and gave the entire bathroom a shower. Another time he got confused and peed behind his nightstand. Now we have to change his diaper, clean him up, feed him, etc. Getting him changed can be difficult when he doesn't want to be rolled on his side. He actively tries to roll the other direction. 

From what we understand, he could die within days or weeks. I don't think he will linger for months. Waiting around for someone to die is a strange type of purgatory.

Shelle, Grammy, and I were talking yesterday and Grandpa's character came up. Grammy said that she thought his greatest accomplishment in life was his ability to live with honesty and integrity. I can't argue with that. He is definitely one of the most honest people I have ever known.

On a different topic, this week is fall break for me. I was ready for a little break, even though I only work about 20 hours a week. As much as I love routine, it is nice to have a change of pace once in a while. Quinny went back to school this week. I'm looking forward to her dive meet on Thursday. I've missed a lot of them due to my work schedule.

Here are a few of my running pics this week. I love running at sunrise. The weather is cooling down and I am slowly getting a little faster each week.

Dax pix... I can't get enough of this guy!

Shoutout to these two celebrating their 3rd wedding anniversary today!

Quinny's photo skills coming in hot with this one of Papa.

Quotes...

Grandpa (while pulling on the bed railing): Get behind me. Get behind me. Get behind me before they come.

Finishing the Move (for real, mostly)

Robert and I spent all of Saturday and Sunday clearing out and cleaning the apartment (we still have stuff in the garage). I woke up at 5:00am both days and got straight to work. By Sunday night, we were both exhausted and sore. We moved a huge toolbox from the apartment garage to the storage unit. The ramp on the trailer we borrowed was almost useless, so we had to heft the thing over bent, perforated metal. I thought I was going to drop it, and in the process, receive a gash in my face. Luckily, we were able to get it in and out with only a couple of nasty bruises. This bruise kept waking me up last night.

The place was so clean when we were finished that I felt like moving back in. We were prepared to get rid of the rest of our furniture, but Jason and Ashley said they would take the furniture we weren't able to get rid of. We ended up leaving two couches, several chairs, a couple of end tables, two small book shelves, and a mirror. In the end, we got the job done just in time to make Sunday dinner for the family. We are in charge of dinner on Sundays. Haley and Sam join us. Grammy makes dinner on Wednesday nights. I like this schedule. 

Quinn is still on fall break this week. Robert and I have both had to work, so it hasn't been a very exciting week for her. If we can swing it, we might try to go the State Fair on the weekend. 

Mia's almost all moved into her new place. This is the only pic I have of it. She was sending me a pic of her Costco haul. Note the new shower head. After a lot of frustration and a trip back to Costco to replace the shower head that was broken, Mia and Robert got the shower going.

Grandpa went for a little stroll around the house the other day. He checked the recycling garbage, tried to open the side gate, and almost took a rest on the ledge before heading back inside. 

He fell asleep the other morning while eating his breakfast. He's been keeping his eyes shut and clenching his fists a lot lately. Both things that come with advanced dementia. 

Gerald "Good Times" Porter came by for a visit the other day.

Dax and Robyn pix...

Robyn (with Devin's help) cut her own hair. Super cute!!

Quotes...

Eric - That moment when you run with too much food in your stomach and then immediately destroy the gym toilet as soon as you’re finished and then hit the infinity-wipe glitch and then there’s a tiny shred of TP on your wrist as you’re walking home 🥵🤢